My Personal Divorced Parent Dating Advice

Finding myself a divorced mother of three children was a traumatic ego shattering experience.  Even worse than the depression and low self esteem I had to wade through; were the mistakes I made after the divorce when it came to dating again.  My prayer is that sharing my story and divorced parent dating advice I learned from firsthand experience; will help you or someone you know avoid the same mistakes I made.

Feeling alone and in need of adult company I began to date two months after my divorce.  I hadn’t really sorted through all the feelings of anger, betrayal and bitterness I felt toward my ex for cheating on me and ruining our marriage.  I don’t know if I wanted to date to make me feel better or make my ex feel worse.

At any rate I began dating a man I knew from high school.

Wait Before you Date

Work through your feelings of betrayal and anger first.  Then when you decide to date you will be doing it for the right reasons and you will be healthy to make good dating choices.

I didn’t discuss my dating with my kids; I thought they might feel more secure having a man around the house again.  I guess I assumed my kids would understand mom’s need for an adult life outside of being their mom.  I was selfish and wrong.

Talk to Your Kids about Dating Again

I introduced my children to the man.

He came over and played baseball one evening with my son who is 8.  I fixed dinner and without thinking, I pecked the man on the cheek in the kitchen.  My 13 year old daughter ran from the kitchen screaming “I hate you”.

Displaying Affection

Don’t have outward displays of affection in front of your children until the relationship has long been established and your children have gotten used to the thought of you dating someone.

The relationship didn’t last very long and my son, who had only spent time with the man once; asked about him every day for months.  It was terrible to see him so upset about the relationship ending and not seeing the man again.

Introductions

Don’t introduce your children to someone you have just started dating. Wait until the relationship is well established and is going somewhere.  I took myself and my children to a good family therapist and we worked through our problems.  I re-established the trust with my children and now go to great links to protect them and their emotional health.

Discuss Dating

Allow your children the freedom and opportunity to express their feelings about you dating again.  If they are extremely upset with the thought; postpone dating for awhile.  Eventually they will have to accept the idea, but if it has been less than a year and they are having strong emotions against it; waiting a little longer won’t hurt you and will go a long way to help your children.

My sincere hope is that these tips to date after divorce save you from making the same mistakes I did.  I wish I had found a list of tips to date after divorce, before I put my kids through the added trauma of my dating way before my children or I was ready.

Pieter West travels the world on a regular basis and have written about numerous subjects. He has an extensive knowledge about, finances, DIY, parenting advice and many more subjects.

 

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